Missing out?

Fathers play a huge part in their daughters lives. They are the protectors, and the leaders. They are the ones who take care that everything is alright, making sure our bodies are never hurting and keeping our delicate minds protected.

They are the ones who discipline us when we're wrong, while always letting us know they love us. Fathers tell us we are beautiful even on our worst days. They are the spiritual leaders at home, guiding the family in prayer, reading the Bible and showing it put into practice.

They are the example of what to look for in a husband. Being there to help you when you think that you've found the right guy. Dads are so vital in a girls life.

Or so I've heard.

I don't even know for sure. I've never seen any of that in my life. Ever. It was like I've never even had a father. He never cared if I was alright, or if I was worrying about having enough food to eat. Instead of protecting my mind, he abused and even invaded it. He just about destroyed my innocence.

Discipline? He always put that on my mom. He almost never said the most important words "I love you". When he did, they were always hollow, and I knew they didn't mean anything. He was always silent even when I would come right out and ask him "Am I beautiful?"

He never prayed with us unless there was a major crisis, and his Bible would just collect dust. But he would always go to church and pretend he was close to God. Did he do it just to confuse me? As for a future husband, I always thought "All I have to do is find someone the opposite of dad and I'll be set."

I was always worried about what would happen after high school, when I would decide to start dating. I knew I couldn't trust his judgment. I always pictured a dad who would be there to threaten my date with a baseball bat. It hurt to know that would never exist. And what about my wedding day? The idea of him walking me down the aisle made me sick inside.

He never truly cared about what I was interested in. Even for a couple years when I first played softball, he would help coach. I always knew it was just for the recognition he got for it. You could tell by how he talked, and by looking at his eyes. He didn't really pay attention to me.

And music? I love to sing, so you'd think it would be natural for him, a college music major, to at least teach me the basics. But he never did, even when I would beg him to.

He hurt me with so many different kinds of abuse. I mean, what 10 year old feels guilty whenever her dad takes the family out to eat because she knew that the car might be repossessed, or that they were having to move again because they were going to get kicked out of their house!

Boy, does it feel like I grew up fast. As I see it, he basically stole my childhood. At a very young age, I learned that I didn't have a father.

And then I realized that I do have one. He is my heavenly Father, and He knows me better than anyone else ever could. He knows what I've been through and what I need. He knows what I'm interested in and who I'm going to marry. He knows My past, present, and future.

And now I know that He will always protect me and be there for me. He tells me in His word that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made", no matter what anyone else has to say. He loves me more than even a perfect earthly father could. He is all I need to survive. I am so thankful He showed me that I have a true father and that I learned it at a young age.

I also know that I would go through all the pain again just to discover that I am truly a Daughter of God. Now looking back, I guess that I didn't miss out on anything at all.

~Laurel